Supreme Chancellor of Funk Tyler Gomez (Jewish)offers His thoughts on foreign policy:
A week has passed since the outcome of the Paris Peace Conference and I feel that, for the sake of clarity, I must contend with the intricacies of foreign relations in order to accurately reflect upon the matters of the symposium. Over the course of a week, I had the privilege of speaking with and to an international committee made up of over twenty different countries from all the around the world. It was our responsibility to come up with a set of peace terms after the German surrender. Before I get into the heart of the matter, allow me to first assert that while our conference may have been marred by the selfishness of many, we achieved what we set out to do. Grievous sins were acknowledged, reparation pledges were made and conditions were set in accordance with President Wilson’s fourteen points to ensure regional prosperity.
My personal experiences are detailed below:
I first walked into the conference with an open mind and a closed folder. An interesting chap dressed in the finest ensemble UNICEF could knowingly support promptly introduced himself as the ‘Master of Ceremonies’ and greeted us. At the time, I was sitting with a rather apathetic Austrian delegate, a giddy President Woodrow Wilson and the Sultan of Turkey, reviewing my notes. I was to (meekly) propose the founding of a Jewish superstate that would effectively serve as a buffer zone between Germany and all of Western Europe. This nation, which was to be called Israel, would also function as an international task-force run by a league of several nations, which I called ‘the League of Nations.’ Linnaeus ain't got nothing on me.
Allusionus Maximus
In the words of myself, it would be:
-A place of settlement and means of protection for the Jewish people.
-A clause for agreement between nations, united under the common interest of regional stability. (The betterment of international relations)
-A method of reparation for war-torn Europe.
-A buffer zone between Western Europe and Germany.
-An international task force governed by the League of Nations to resolve and dispute any foreign affairs within the region.
-An area for free-trade between nations, economic boom for the region. (Less costs for an individual military will result in economic equilibrium.)
If participation were an equation, it’d be (# of slides used) x (time spent talking), in which case, I’d clearly be number one. As head of the Jewish committee, I made an effort to adequately address the concerns of the world throughout my ten minute presentation by means of transparencies. It should be noted that by the end of the conference, the world and I were in one accord. The only opposing countries were Germany and Palestine. How unexpected.
Indeed, while the fullness of my plan was not readily accepted (due to the fact that some people are selfish), the assembly of peace held between nations on March 2nd demonstrated that given the proper circumstances, conflict can be overcome by communication.
It was, as the Germans French say, perfect.
